From a trauma perspective, your childhood self does not know how to process this event. The child mind in the moment is just trying to survive. When children experience any form of abuse, they are typically going to process these situations much different than an adult. A child may become more fearful or even really believe that their parent is going to give them away. But the child does not know what to do with this fear or even how to express this appropriately to others. Thus, as an adult it is time to start figuring out what you might have been thinking and feeling during that moment with your mother. Moreover, thinking about how you feel about your relationship now with your mother.
I am going to assume that this was not the only time you had conflict with your mother. I might assume that this was not the only time your mother became aggressive with you. Thus, you may feel emotionally exhausted because you have had repeated experiences of being put down or made to feel less than.
Also, it may be helpful to think about how your mother or other family members responded to you when you were hurt. Many of my patients realize that they have experienced various “empathic failures”. This means that you were hurt and you were hoping to feel supported by the people you would expect to be there for you but they don’t demonstrate that kind of understanding.
Thus, one possible way to address that empathic failure is to imagine what you would tell your younger self. What would tell your younger self who just experienced that verbal attack from their mother? How would you respond to that child? One way to start the process of healing is to speak kindly to ourselves. It is even more important to speak kindly to ourselves when we know we won’t receive that kindness from others.
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