I think on of the things you are referring to is what we call “mutual empathy”. Mutual empathy is the openness to being affected by and affecting another person. If we experience mutual empathy that means people move with a sense of mutual respect, an intention for mutual growth, and an increasing capacity for connectedness. For mutual empathy to lead to growth, both people must see, know, and feel that they are being responded to, having an impact, and mattering to one another. Also, you may want to experience supported vulnerability which is a feeling that one’s vulnerability will not be taken advantage of or violated, is necessary for mutual empathy. These are just of the things you may be seeking when trying to open up. However, these are not easy things to accomplish.
One of the major things in opening up is choosing the person you feel comfortable being vulnerable with. This person should be someone you trust and can be patient with you as take your time to share more personal things about yourself. Also, keep in mind how the person is responding to you as you open up. If we are able to express our feelings and the other person responds with care, showing that we have had an effect, then we feel we are effective in relationship with others, that we matter, that we can participate in growth-producing and healthy relationships. If slowly start to open up and they are not responding well then they may not be the best person.
I recommend also developing your emotional vocabulary when trying to open up. You can start by practicing in different settings like work and home. If you felt like a need was unmet at work think of how you can practice communicating that you want this need met. This could a statement such as “I am feeling stressed and would like some flexibility in my schedule so I can perform at my best. At home or with personal relationships you can use something like “I feel annoyed when you take work calls during dinner. I look forward to that time together, so when it happens often I start to feel really lonely”.
Ultimately, we also put ourselves at risk of being hurt or not listened to when we open up to others. I cannot promise you that people will always respond in the best way. However, it is important to think of this process as you growing as a person rather than making other people feel good. Ideally, it would be nice to always have the mutual empathy met like in therapy. One interesting exercise to think about is how you would talk to a friend that is coming to you with similar difficulties. This can build a sense of self-compassion. If a good friend of yours came up to you and said they were having a difficult time opening up how would you respond to them. You may find that you will respond in a compassionate way and invite the person to talk more.
Lastly, keep in mind that therapy is a great starting point to practice some of these techniques mentioned. It is safe and non judgmental environment to explore these topics.
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