I have been working with couples and individuals that have experienced some intense forms of jealousy in their relationships and I have found that many people can improve. It is a changeable aspect of oneself. I assume that you are noticing this is having a bigger impact on your relationship and are looking for ways to get better at this point. Seeking out therapy services is a great option to begin the process but I also want to provide some additional information.
First, is recognizing that your girlfriend has no bad intentions. You may say to yourself that you already know she is a great person. However, you may need to start being more intentional about recognizing her positive qualities and how she cares for you. It becomes harder to become upset with someone you know has no ill will towards you.
In order to not let the jealousy turn into manipulating or resentment you will need to talk more with your girlfriend. It’s important to tell her how you feel about certain situations. When you bring it up, use “I” statements and avoid too many “you” statements like “you always” or “you never.” Talk about your feelings about the specific situation. Say what you need, not what you don’t need. You can also let them know that you are struggling with feelings of jealousy so you know you may be misunderstanding certain situations and are trying to work on it. Your girlfriend will probably take this reaction a lot better.
I recommend you begin to notice some of your main triggers and think to yourself why they have become a trigger. For example, if your trigger is her texting on her phone. Notice what are the thoughts going through your head when these triggers happen. Next step is remember that feelings aren’t facts. Are you imagining things that aren’t really there? Ask yourself, “Is that so?” Is it really happening? If the answer is no, let go of the negative thoughts. It takes some practice but keep recognizing some of these thoughts and take time to evaluate them.
Finally, remember that jealousy is a common emotion. Do not beat yourself down if you make errors but continue to look for ways to improve. Acknowledge your mistakes to her and continue to work on yourself.
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