It can be a challenging one to answer and often times depends on many other things surrounding the relationship. I will do my best to answer the question generally.
First, past relationships have both good and sad moments. It is not necessary in order to move on from a relationship to forget everything that was associated with the relationship. There may have been some very beautiful moments that you can still hold on to because they were just in general a happy memory. As the memories come to your head about the relationship, it is ok to acknowledge these thoughts and memories. This helps not getting trapped in the idea that you need to push all these thoughts away or to feel bad that you had thoughts about a previous relationship. At times, I have noticed patients feel ashamed that they continue to think about an ex-partner, or they feel guilty because they are with someone new. I remind them that these are just thoughts and memories and we do not have to act on any of these thoughts nor do these thoughts define us.
Also, if you have a memory about the previous relationship and feel happy, that’s ok too. These memories can cause us emotions but once again it does not mean we need to act on every emotion or thought that comes to our mind. I have to remind some of my patients to take some steps back and just acknowledge their thoughts and feelings about the relationship without any judgement. Continue to reflect on how this relationship impacted you but also work on how you are speaking about yourself in that process. Ask yourself if you are judging yourself for thinking about this or for something that happened in the relationship? If so, then sometimes additional support from a therapist can help in addressing any of the self-judgement talk.
Now, our next area is not only thinking about the relationship but wanting to get back to the relationship. This is something to approach with a lot of caution. I do not recommend to start looking for ways to re-enter a relationship after 3 years without at least taking plenty of time to process that decision. Ultimately, I do not know the details of this relationship, so it is best to talk about this decision with others or in therapy.
One area that I may be able to provide more information is related to having these thoughts and moving on. Yes, you can still have some of these thoughts about an ex and still live your life. The important piece is to identify your values and continue to live close to those values even though you are thinking about the previous relationship. It is even possible to develop new relationship but every once in awhile you may have the thought of your ex show up. Slowly, you will notice these thoughts become less powerful the more you engage in what you care about and simultaneously not judging yourself for having the thought. As you move on into your new romantic relationships, you may want to take time to evaluate if your behavior is really influenced by your ex. For example, some of my patients experienced cheating in a previous relationship and now they assume they will be cheated on in this new relationship. These topics can be important to address in therapy because they can have a serious impact on future relationships.
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